Film Review: The Mortal Instruments- City of Bones

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The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones, bombed at the box office. It is impossible to believe because have you seen who is in this film? Hunk du jour – Aidan Turner, Misfit hunk- Robert Sheenan, Tudor/Dracula hunk- Jonathan Rhy Meyers, über bitch Baratheon- Lena Headley and Danger old Will Robinson- Jared Harris. How in the world could this Movie fail?

city3Well- It was the usual mix of clichéd witches, biker werewolves, who save the day and vampires. The only thing that makes this film stand out from the rest is its unique selling point; the good guys are Shadow hunter.

Shadow Hunters are decendants from Crusaders who drank the blood an Angel to become preternatural ass kickers. Azazel, is the angel responsible for all this; you may recognize the name from such shows as Supernatural, Hexx and Denzil Washington’s Fallen. He sure does get around.

There were too many YA moments, with stroppy teenagers slamming doors. It did feel like a Scooby and the gang mystery to find the Holy Grail at times. I think it tried to appeal to the Twilight/Vampire Diaries crowd but for a wider audience- totally missed the boat.

creepyThe too main characters didn’t quite do “it” for me either. Clary’s Groucho Marx’s eyebrows did take on a life of their own and in some scenes, stole the show.

Jace is creepy. He looks creepy, acts creepy and one of the story threads with him is totally creepy.

It took me thirty minutes to recognize Aidan Turner. They made him into a pasty, greying unkempt friend zoned shelp. Why? Isn’t that like a crime against sexy Irishmen everywhere?

city4What I liked was that it was visually stunning without being a CGI crapfest. It was a great film to look at it. For me,  the main problem with this film is that it is too long. They fit too much into it and rather than keeping you hooked- it distracted and confused me. I haven’t read the book, so I can not comment on how true to it they were, but the film would definitely benefit from a good scaling down.

Verdict: Wait till it comes on TV. I found not paying to watch this film certainly improved the experience.  I did enjoy wasting a lazy Saturday afternoon watching it and I am curious about the books now. Am I disappointed they are humming and haaa-ing over making a sequel? Not really. I will say it was enjoyable eye candy and leave it as that.

 

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